I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
