I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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