WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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