I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
