Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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