You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
