You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
