...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
