his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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