never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
