I don't think brook has ever known best
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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