sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
