Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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