I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
