he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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