will power is for people who don't want to get laid
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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