he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
