i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
