hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
