Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize