it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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