Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
