Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
