Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
