I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
