Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
