You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
