Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My life is pants optional.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
