Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
