Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
