I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
