he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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