New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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