Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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