He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
