I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
