yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
