im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
