talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
