Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize