but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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