Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
