Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
