At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
