Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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