Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
