Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
