Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
