we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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