I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
