It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
