You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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