I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
