can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
