dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
