So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
