No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
