Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
there is glitter all over my balls
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