On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
