someone threw a dead crab at me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
