i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
