It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
