i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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