Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did i just pee glitter
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
